i; butterfly

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The days that have passed over the last two years have been a blur, and the changes in my life have been both terrifying and exhilarating. After having one of the deepest nights of sleep and craziest dreams in forever, lack of wine I guess, I woke up extremely cranky. This was confirmed by the look on my dog’s faces, they always know with keen perception when I’m maladjusted like they know exactly why, even though I haven’t told a soul. I made coffee, fed them, grunted a few times for them to move out of the way then made my way upstairs, to the balcony to drink in peace and to stare at the mountains. I realized this morning that after a strained twenty-year marriage and a two-year divorce I feel void of any inspiration, which is as good as death for me. The few things that I need to be happy I haven’t given myself, except the time to heal, maybe, kind of. I cocooned, was intolerant of anyone who tried to pull me out of my chrysalis before the healing process or change, whichever would come first. To those that respected that time then yanked me out with no patience for excuses when it was time, thank you. I’ll be feeding the beast from here on out.

 

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